


i never thought i'd live to see it break

by SuchASeeweedBrain



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker's Banishment, But also Booker comes back because I want him to, Light Booker Bashing, M/M, Nicky is Nice until he isn't, Nile POV, Post-Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchASeeweedBrain/pseuds/SuchASeeweedBrain
Summary: The whole thing with Booker was complicated. Beyond complicated, and all Nile could really do was watch as her new family dealt with the consequences of Booker's actions and tried to navigate his punishment.orNicky is not the forgiving kind, but he loves Joe beyond all measure and reason
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 34
Kudos: 317





	i never thought i'd live to see it break

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what this is, but basically, this mostly stems from my idea that personally, I wouldn't have wanted to shower, change and go out to a bar with a guy who'd just betrayed me. I personally wouldn't have wanted to wait that long. Also, the idea that while Nicky might not be the shouting kind, he is the kind to hold a grudge and ruthless when you hurt his family.
> 
> Also a thank you to my wonderful friend Emma for helping me with the French! You are a lifesaver!
> 
> I am also casually ignoring the "six months later" scene with Quýnh, because I didn't know how to fit it in here. 
> 
> (Also, I realized later that Andy is actually the one driving them away from Merrick, because British cars and such, but then I'd already written it this way and I like it so it's staying like this)

Nile hadn’t known these guys for all that long. Barely a few days, actually, but she could  _ feel _ the tension in the group that had definitely not been there when she’d first been introduced to them.

Walking into that room, the laboratory where they had the team strapped to metal slabs. Chained like they were lab rats made her feel physically ill. Looking at Joe and Nicky, shirtless and with pieces of them in little petri dishes, the instruments on the table, she couldn’t even imagine what they’d gone through before they’d been able to find them.

They made it out, somehow. The others took the stairs while Nile took a little more of a… fast route down. She’d taken bullets before that, but nothing had quite slapped her newly found immortality in her face quite like jumping from fifteen stories up and walking away from it. Sure she’d had to come back to life and feel a lot of her bones still fixing themselves (which fucking  _ sucked _ by the way), but she’d walked away, leaving Merrick’s body behind in the wrangled wreck of the car. She didn’t feel all that bad about that one.

Now though, as Joe pulled the car into what seemed to be the driveway of another safe house, this one a good hour or two outside of London, she felt like things were about to come to a head for real. Booker, sitting in the back with her and Nicky, had barely breathed since they left the scene. Joe’s hands had not relaxed from his white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.

Still, he’d driven remarkably calm.

She’d just been about to ask something when Nicky murmured under his breath.

‘If you have a body in the trunk, you’re going to drive under the speed limit.’ Booker flinched and Nicky threw him a look that seemed to convey “I didn’t mean it  _ like that _ ”.

‘Right.’ Nile understood what he meant. She only had to look down at herself, at Nicky, who had blood (and were those pieces of  _ bone _ ?) matted in the back of his hair or Andy doing an admirable job of pretending like she wasn’t actively bleeding out in the passenger seat.

Joe pulled the car to a stop. It was an actual house this time. It didn’t look that old and Nile wondered when they’d gotten this one.

‘This one still has first aid supplies, I think.’ Nicky said as he motioned for Nile to get out the second Joe pulled on the handbrake. ‘They might be out of date, but there will at least be  _ something _ .’

‘When’s the last time you were here?’ Andy asked, clenching her jaw tight as she pulled herself from the car. She left a bloody stain behind on the seat. Fuck.

‘Twenty five years, I think.’ Nicky said. Nile followed them to the door, she was just about to comment that that most certainly meant that whatever supplies they had would be out of date, when Nicky reacted to something Nile hadn’t noticed yet. ‘ _ Yusuf _ .’ He said in a low, warning tone. Nile looked over her shoulder to find Joe with a gun pointed at Booker’s head.

Booker didn’t even look scared. Just resigned. Like he deserved it.

‘ _ You  _ are the reason I had to watch as that bitch cut  _ pieces _ out of my Nicky. I had to listen to him scream and there was  _ nothing  _ I could do.  _ You  _ did that. They killed him, again and again-’ She had never seen Joe like this. What she’d seen from him so far spoke of a guy who seemed to love life. Love his love. He seemed to be ready for a laugh at all times. This desperately angry version of him was new. It was different from him in a fight as well, that was more cool and calm, less blazing hot murderous. 

‘ _ Yusuf _ ,’ Nicky said again, still sounding calm as ever. ‘ _ Vieni qui _ . Let’s go inside and put the gun away.’

‘I will not let this pass, Nicolò.’ Joe said without taking his eyes off Booker. His hands were steady on the handgun. There was blood all over his hands, under his nails. She wondered whose it was. It might have been Nicky’s.

‘I am not asking you to. I’m asking you to come inside and put the gun away.’ Nicky sounded endlessly patient. Andy held the door open.

‘Now, Joe.’ It was a command, clearly. Joe clenched his jaw, but he did lower the weapon and with a brusque move walked inside. Nicky followed him like he had never even considered doing something else.

This was definitely a more modern house, the ground floor was mostly open plan. More spacious than it looked from the outside. The house was done in warm tones with blue sprinkled in, Mediterranean almost. Definitely one of Nicky and Joe’s then. A little dusty, but pretty good. Also, none of the seating options had their back turned to a window.

‘The first aid kit is upstairs, bathroom on the… left, I think.’ Nicky said to Nile. A clear request even if it wasn’t a question. She was happy to do it. Anything to escape the thick, tense air, even if it was just for a minute. This gave her something else to focus on. Andy. The not-so-immortal-anymore leader of this little army. Their army of five, fractured, bent to the point where Nile wasn’t sure it wasn’t just straight up broken.

She hadn’t known them for a long time, but they had known each other for a long time and this didn’t seem like it had ever happened before. Not like this. Not a straight up betrayal.

She came downstairs just in time to see Joe move, quick as a rattlesnake and punch Booker square in the nose. She wasn’t close enough to hear the crack, but she knew it was broken nonetheless. Nicky sighed, but he didn’t snap at Joe, so she supposed this might have been a compromise. Booker made no attempt to stop the bleeding, nor did he look angry.

He just looked so tired. So, so tired.

She’d known from their first meeting that he wasn’t okay. The guy could probably do with some therapy, but who could he go to? “Yes hello, my name is Booker and I’ve been alive for over 200 years. I watched my family wither away and die and now I want to die too but I can’t because, oh hadn’t I mentioned? I’m immortal.” Yeah, that would go over well. A one way ticket to a padded room, or another lab, that’s what that was.

Nicky threw a packet of tissues at Booker.

Andy was sitting on an armchair. Nile made her way over, ignoring the guys for now. This didn’t seem like it was her business. Booker hadn’t exactly betrayed  _ her _ after all. She hadn’t been forced to watch the love of her many, many,  _ many _ , lifetimes be tortured and die over and over again because of him. She hadn’t been shot by, and therefore confronted with her newly found mortality by him.

She worked on redressing Andy’s wound as Nicky spoke softly to Joe in what sounded like Arabic while holding the gun Nile was pretty sure had been in Joe’s hands before. Booker had sat down heavily on the couch, wad of bloody tissues on the table, his nose already healed.

After Nicky fell silent, the silence stretched long and heavy, until it felt like the whole room was covered in it. Joe still looked like he was quietly seething, although his hand on Nicky’s hip looked soft as ever.

There must have been some kind of que that Nile missed because Booker took a deep, shuddering breath and started talking.

‘I am  _ so _ sorry.’ He sounded wrecked. ‘Andy, Nicky, Joe, I really am. I was blinded by my own grief, I was selfish, I have always been selfish. I am so sorry.’ Joe looked like his fingers itched for the gun still firmly held in Nicky’s hand.

‘Why?’ Nile was surprised to find  _ Nicky _ being the one to ask. ‘What was the point of all this, Booker?’ Nicky didn’t really seem angry, just… disappointed. Hurt. Nile wasn’t even the one the tone was aimed at, but it still made her feel like she should be apologizing.

‘I am so tired, Nico. So tired of this life, of life in general. I thought, I thought if Merrick could figure out what keeps us alive, he could figure out a way to kill us.’

‘And you were willing to let him try and figure that out on Nicky?’ Joe spat. He went to step forwards, but Nicky gently grabbed his elbow and pulled him back, moving him to sit down on a chair.

‘I wasn’t-  _ non _ , ça n'a jamais été mon intention. It was  _ just  _ supposed to be me.’ Nile’s French wasn’t all that good, but she caught the gist of that.

‘I don’t fucking care what your intention was, Sébastien. That’s what fucking happened.’ She hadn’t heard any of them use Booker’s real name before now. From the way Booker flinched, it was meant to hurt and it worked.

‘Joe, mi amore-‘ Nicky tried, but Joe seemed to be on a roll now.

‘He  _ screamed _ , Sébastien. Do you know how many times they killed him? Stuck needles and knives in him? Cut pieces off him? For  _ science _ . To find out  _ how _ and why? Just so  _ you  _ could  _ leave us _ ?’ There were honest tears in Joe’s eyes now. Frustration, maybe anger? The fear of losing Nicky? Maybe also the fear of losing not just Andy, but Booker as well?

‘Bas.’ Nicky’s voice was so kind it nearly made Nile want to cry. ‘I understand we can’t be easy for you. You are right, we  _ do _ have each other, we’ve always had each other, but as much as I feel for you and what you’ve lost and how much hurt you are undoubtedly going through this is not the solution. But, I understand,’ Nile watched as Nicky went from so kind it hurt, to pure steel, sharp and unyielding. ‘but if you  _ ever _ put me in a situation again where I have to lay there and listen to them torture my Yusuf, I will double every last mark they made on him, on you. Understood?’ Booker nodded, shaky.

‘Yes.’

‘Why didn’t you come talk to me?’ Nicky asked, switching back to soft and warm like it was nothing. Nile was a little ashamed to say it, but she’d underestimated Nicky. Her order of most dangerous for the team would have been: Andy, Joe, Booker, Nicky. Joe and Booker might have been switched, but Nicky, with his soft eyes and his soft hands and his warm smile and kind words? No, she wouldn’t have thought Nicky could intimidate her, beyond the “holy shit you fought in the  _ crusades _ ?”. She’d been  _ wrong _ .

‘You wouldn’t have understood.’ There was some of the bitterness she’d heard in Booker’s voice before. ‘How could you? You’re  _ happy _ .’ She could see Joe tense in his chair. Nicky’s hand on his shoulder seemed to be the only thing keeping him there.

‘The only reason I am not letting Joe kill you several times in increasingly creative ways is because I don’t know what  _ I  _ would be capable of if I lost Joe. I don’t know what I would do to follow him.’ Nicky said, before casually flopping himself down in Joe’s lap. ‘I might not have understood, but I would have listened and I wouldn’t have judged you.’ Booker looked away from Nicky.

Another cue, Nile didn’t know yet.

‘Andy-‘

‘That was a fucking shit thing to do, Book.’

‘I know, I know I just-‘

‘You let your pain and your grief blind you.’

‘I  _ know _ , but I didn’t know you were- you were-‘

‘Mortal?’

‘That shouldn’t  _ matter _ -‘ Joe cut off with a grunt as Nicky dug his elbow into his sternum. Nicky smiled sweetly at Nile as he did it. Nile couldn’t help but smile back. Dangerous, but so, so kind.

‘Silenzio, mi amore.’ He said. Another Italian phrase Nile could guess the meaning off. It was one of the things she was most excited for in her mostly-immortal life. Learning all of these different languages. ‘Andromache can handle him.’

‘I wasn’t saying she couldn’t.’ Joe mumbled, unhappy.

‘I know, hayati.’ Nicky smiled fondly as he ran a hand through Joe’s curls.

‘You still have blood in your hair.’ Nile wasn’t sure exactly what happened after they’d left Joe and Nicky in the room with the gas, but it seemed like Nicky had died. Again.

‘And some bone probably.’ Nicky said with an unhappy twist of his mouth. ‘You killed him though, right?’ Joe huffed.

‘Of course I did. He shot you in the head. He’s lucky I didn’t throw him out of the window.’ Joe brushed his hand along Nicky’s cheek. The same hand he’d used to break Booker’s nose, now impossibly soft against Nicky’s skin. They really were something, these two.

Nile wouldn’t say she  _ envied _ them, it was more like… admiration. Relationships were not easy and being together for almost  _ a thousand years _ , that was, well, a miracle. Finding a love like theirs seemed like something so special and something to be treasured. But. She could also understand how it could be frustrating. Especially if you had lost your love. Booker had watched these two be ridiculously in love for over 200 years, all while grieving the loss of his own family.

Did that make it okay what he did? No, of course not. He seemed genuinely sorry though.

‘Nile?’ She blinked out of her reverie.

‘Sorry what?’ The corner of Andy’s mouth quirked up.

‘I asked, what do you think?’

‘About…?’

‘About Booker’s punishment.’

‘Oh.’ She hadn’t really expected that. ‘Uh, I don’t think I should have much input on that?’ It was meant to be a statement. It did not come out as one.

‘Why not? It’s a decision that will affect the team, you are part of the team now.’ Nicky said it like it was easy. Like she hadn’t known them for barely two days. Like she was already part of their family. It send a pang of longing through her. Her mom and brother had already lost her father and now what? They’d lose her too? Just because she wouldn’t age?

‘I don’t know. He seems like he’s sorry. He’s apologized, so I’m good.’ Nicky looked like he was trying to hide a smile. He was failing.

‘You are so very kind, Nile.’

‘Too kind.’ Joe grumbled.

‘Personally, I say one hundred years-‘ Nicky said.

‘Way too kind.’

‘-but,’ Nicky continued on, undisturbed. ‘I think Andy should decide.’ Joe looked like he was going to argue, but then simply stopped and didn’t. The three men turned to Andy with a synchronicity that was borderline scary. Like a horror movie.

‘You’re mortal now. If you banish me for a long time, we won’t see each other again.’ Booker said quietly. Nile couldn’t quite decide if he was trying to manipulate her or not. She hoped he wasn’t because that seemed like a terrible idea. At least now she understood what they could possibly do to punish someone who couldn’t die, banishment. 

‘Ten years.’ Andy said, looking Booker dead in the eye. ‘You and I will meet up in ten years at that square in Paris. You know the one, with the bakery that makes those ridiculous croissants.’ Booker nodded, the relief on his face was painful to watch. ‘The rest I am leaving up to them.’ Andy motioned between the three of them.

‘Babe,‘ Joe immediately started. ‘two hundred years is not that bad.’ Nicky made a face at him.

‘He helped us in the end.’ Joe clenched his jaw, stubborn.

‘He  _ betrayed _ us.’

‘I know that. I also know that in six months, you won’t be mad anymore and you’re going to miss him terribly.’ This was probably as close to a “fight” as she’d seen them yet. ‘Nile?’ Nicky asked and Joe groaned.

‘You know she’s going to side with you.’ He pouted. Nicky smirked.

‘I do know that.’ Nicky said before looking at her. His eyes were ridiculous. Big and green and inviting. She was already nodding before she even realized it.

‘I would say less than a hundred years, but I’m not really used to thinking in centuries yet.’ She would honestly have accepted an apology and let it be done, but she supposed from their perspective, a punishment was necessary. She trusted Nicky to be fair.

‘One hundred is an easy number to remember.’ Nicky shrugged before turning to Booker. ‘We’ll meet in that old pub in London in one hundred years, yes?’

‘The one that burned down in the seventies?’ Booker asked.

‘Yes, the one that serves that whiskey you like so much.’ Booker actually smiled a little at that. A sad smile, but a smile.

‘I hoped for less, but I expected more.  _ Grazie mille, Nico. Sei molto gentile _ .’ For some reason that made Nicky laugh and Andy crack a smile.

‘Too kind.’ Joe said again, still glaring at Booker.

‘Hush.’ Nicky said mildly, while smiling fondly at Joe. Nile only noticed now that Nicky still had the handgun in his hand. She hadn’t even noticed, that’s how natural it looked there. That was how comfortable he looked with it, even if she was pretty sure Joe had taken it off one of the security guys inside Merrick’s building.

‘One hundred years, the pub with the great whiskey.’ Booker said to Nicky and Joe. ‘Ten years, the plaza with the bakery with the amazing croissants in Paris.’ Booker confirmed with Andy, who nodded. He swallowed and then pushed himself up off the couch. ‘I truly am sorry. If you ever need me, call.’

‘Oui, au revoir, Bas.’ Nicky said.

‘Sayonara, Booker.’ Joe said, despite his anger still very much being there, he sounded sincere. Only later would she find out that “sayonara” was a way of saying goodbye that actually came close to saying “see you again, never”.

‘We’ll see each other again, friend.’ Andy pushed herself out of her chair with a little effort and went over to hug him. Nicky smiled, but didn’t move from his spot on Joe’s lap. After the three had said goodbye, Nile wasn’t sure what  _ she _ should say. She cleared her throat.

‘See you around, Booker.’ He smiled that terribly sad smile at her.

‘See you around, Nile.’

‘The keys to the car are in the bowl.’ Joe said, albeit begrudgingly. ‘Take it, there’s blood on the seat anyways.’ It was actually adorable how Nicky smiled at him. Warm and proud. Joe rolled his eyes, but he didn’t even try to hide how his face softened into a smile the second he looked at Nicky.

The door closed behind Booker with a click. He didn’t slam the door, but it still seemed to echo through the house.

‘From what I remember, the water pressure here was abysmal.’ Nicky suddenly said, like they hadn’t just banished one of their own for one hundred years. ‘Yusuf, would you do me a favour and-‘

‘Check the boiler upstairs?’ Joe finished. ‘Of course.’

‘Thank you, my love.’ Nicky said as he moved off Joe so he could head out of the room. Nicky’s eyes fixed on Nile the second it seemed like he knew Joe was out of hearing range. ‘In ten years, Joe will suggest we head to Paris. He’ll have “forgotten” Andy is supposed to meet Booker there.’ Nicky made a huffing noise. ‘Hell, he’ll probably suggest we head to Paris in a year. Joe never stays mad for long.’

‘He acts all mean and tough sometimes, but Joe is a massive softy. That’s why I can’t put him in charge.’ Andy’s smile was about as fond as Nile had seen it yet.

‘Joe and I are followers. I would not trust myself to make the right decisions for the greater good, not if they meant putting Joe at risk.’ Nicky said, running a hand through his hair and then grimacing as he must have remembered there was still blood (and bone) in there. ‘He undoubtedly feels the same way. We  _ could _ lead, if necessary, but we’ve never had to.’ Nicky’s eyes darted to Andy. He left the  _ we might have to, soon _ implied.

‘You two could lead.’ Andy confirmed. ‘You especially, but I would prefer if you didn’t have to, because I know it makes you uncomfortable.’ Nile wasn’t sure what the point of this conversation was exactly. Well, she didn’t understand until they turned at her, with matching serene expressions (again, horror movie much?).

‘Wait you want  _ me  _ to lead your immortal avengers unit?’ Nile asked. ‘Who do you think I am? Steve Rogers?’ Nicky tilted his head. Like a puppy.

‘I don’t know who that is.’ He said, looking at Andy, who shook her head. Nile made a wounded noise.

‘That hurts my feelings.’

‘The point is,’ Andy continued. ‘I don’t want you to lead them  _ now _ , I want you to be able to lead them in the future. You’re a natural and even if they  _ could _ do it, the boys are not.’ Nile wanted to ask about Booker, what about him? But she was not sure she wanted to see the look on their faces when she reminded them of him.

‘Yeah, sure. Whatever.’ Nile said, like it was all old news. Nicky laughed and then he titled his head as he heard something Nile didn’t. Was super-hearing part of being immortal? Or was that just Nicky’s sixth sense for Joe?

‘I am going to wash the blood from my hair. Joe’s going to help me.’

‘Yeah, I guessed as much.’ Andy said with an exaggerated eye roll. ‘Go on, Nile will keep me company.’ Nicky’s smile turned a little sly.

‘I am ninety five percent sure I left a bottle of vodka behind when we were last here. I think it’s in one of the kitchen cabinets.’ With those final words he turned and headed up the stairs. There was blood on the back of his shirt as well.

‘Nile, be a pal and see if you can find me that vodka.’ Now  _ that _ , she’d seen coming. She had not forgotten Andy chugging whatever the hell had been in that bottle on the plane.

‘Yeah sure. Do you want a glass with that? Some ice?’ Nile asked, deadpan.

‘I doubt they have ice, but I should probably use a glass huh? Be civilised and all that.’ Andy waved her hand like the notion was ridiculous. Maybe it was to her. Nile still wasn’t sure how long exactly Andy had been alive.

It was about a year later that Nile figured she could ask. She asked Joe, because as Nicky predicted, after about six months, he’d stopped clenching his jaw whenever Booker was mentioned and instead had started bringing him up more and more. He missed Booker.

Joe and Nicky had been bickering that day, bickering in the way she’d only ever seen them do. Soft jabs and swipes with smirks tacked on the end. They bickered, for the sake of bickering, it seemed. Almost like a simple debate, just executed in that bizarre Genoese/Arabic mix only they spoke. Not just within the team, she was pretty sure they were the only people in the  _ world _ who could talk like that.

She had asked, once. She’d been learning both Italian and Arabic and yet she still couldn’t follow what they were saying  _ at all _ . Nicky had smiled at her and explained it was because the dialect he spoke had been dead for hundreds of years and that the Arabic was so mixed in that it had become its own language. It had started when they first met, neither speaking more than a few words of the other’s language.

Either way, they’d been bickering in their own language and it had resolved with Nicky throwing his hands in the air, asking God for strength (in regular Italian) and marching out of the door to the shitty apartment they were staying in.

Nile was concerned for a second before seeing the grin on Joe’s face.

‘We’re going to have a great dinner tonight.’ He said brightly.

‘Uh, what?’ Nile asked.

‘If I push Nicky’s buttons right, he’ll get so frustrated with me he’ll end up cooking. When Nicky cooks out of frustration he always makes this old as fuck Italian dinner, three courses and Nile, my dear Nile, you have never tasted anything like it.’ Joe let himself fall onto the couch next to her with a happy sigh.

‘So you- you started this little bickering/foreplay thing on purpose?’ Nile asked. Joe raised a thick, dark eyebrow at her. ‘What? You don’t think I notice the way you two smirk at each other whenever you bicker like this? Nicky’s gonna cook an amazing dinner and then I’m heading out, you guys are like my brothers, I do not need to hear this shit.’ Joe laughed, warm and bright and easy. Nile loved Joe’s laugh.

‘If you want to get some rest, I can gag him-‘ Joe offered with a truly shit-eating grin. Nile made a vague  _ hell no _ kind of noise, clapping her hands over her ears.

‘Stop!’ She yelped, and Joe laughed again. She punched him in the arm half-heartedly. ‘God you are the  _ worst _ .’

‘We all must make sacrifices in life, Nile.’ Joe said, faux-serious. ‘In order to eat Nicky’s delicious food, you must deal with me thanking him.’

‘Yeah, and in order to eat  _ your _ delicious food I need to deal with Nicky thanking  _ you _ .’ She muttered. Joe just shrugged, unbothered.

The silence that fell between them was comfortable. Joe wasn’t quiet all that often, Nicky was the quiet one. Nicky could go hours without saying a word, lost in a book or his own head or the “garden” of whichever safe house they were in. Joe, well, if he went longer than five minutes without making some sort of comment, you knew to check on him, because he was either not okay, or up to something.

Nile cleared her throat.

‘I’ve been meaning to ask,’ She didn’t let herself hesitate. ‘When are we going to go find Booker?’ She did  _ not _ count the seconds Joe stayed silent (it was 9 seconds).

‘We’ll go when Nicky is ready.’ Joe said eventually. Nile could feel the frown pull at her eyebrows.

‘Nicky?’ Joe smiled a quiet little smile.

‘Yeah, people often assume that I’m the vengeful one, but Nicky is much better at holding a grudge.’ Joe sighed. ‘Nicky is the kindest person you will ever meet, until you hurt his family. Booker didn’t just get us caught, me and Nicky tortured and killed multiple times, he also shot Andy, he  _ betrayed _ us. He set us up.’ There was a distinct lack of anger in Joe’s voice, just a sad resignation.

‘But if you asked-‘

‘He would go get Booker back in a heartbeat if I asked, he’s already thinking about it, because he knows I miss him.’ Joe got a faraway look in his eyes. ‘We made mistakes with Booker. I think we all knew it, but we’d never had someone like him before. Andy was alone for so long, I don’t think she even remembered what it was like to have a family. Nicky and I, we had each other right from the start. We knew we couldn’t go back to our families. Mine were hundreds of miles away, as were Nicky’s. We were too busy trying to figure out what the hell was happening and then we were too busy being in love. It wasn’t that we didn’t care for our families, but there was so much going on and time gets weird when you realize you can’t die and you don’t age. Suddenly ten years have passed and you look back and wonder where it all went.’

‘Did you have siblings?’ She asked, because both of them never really talked about their life before each other.

‘Yes, I did. Three brothers and two sisters.’ Joe shifted, leaning more into the arm of the couch so he could look at her more easily. ‘Jerusalem wasn’t even my home. I was there for business. I was a merchant, but I happened to have some experience sword fighting, so when the news came through that Antioch had fallen and that the invaders were heading to Jerusalem, I decided to stay and fight.’

She didn’t want to ask what it had been like. She’d googled some stuff and that had been enough. She didn’t want to have him relive that.

‘And then you met Nicky.’

‘And then I met Nicky.’ Joe confirmed, smiling softly.

‘Do you remember anything about them? Your siblings?’

‘Vague things. A few names, mostly glimpses. My sister’s smile, my brother’s hands as he showed me how to hold a sword, my other brother tripping me and my mom yelling at him.’ He shrugged. She couldn’t imagine ever forgetting her brother or her mom, but maybe time would prove differently.

‘It’s nice that you still remember some things.’ She said. ‘So, we’re not going for Booker now, because Nicky is still mad? He doesn’t seem mad.’ She pressed, because there was still that itch. She didn’t get it. Nicky never showed any signs of discomfort when Booker was brought up.

‘My anger is loud. It burns hot and fast.’ Joe said, throwing her a wry grin that twisted into something softer as he continued. ‘Nicky- well, Nicky’s anger simmers. If I had never met Andy, I would have said Nicky was the absolute best at holding a grudge. Nicky might be quiet and philosophical and kind, but when he’s angry, he’s ice. Nicky goes cold. He’s that- uh- screenshot you send me the other day. If he’s mad at you, you can ask him for water and he’ll bring you a glass of ice.’

Nile smiled. It was a lot of fun to try and catch the guys up on modern day pop culture. After finding out that none of them had seen, or even  _ heard of _ the Marvel movies, she had forced them all to sit down and watch through them. Nicky had frowned the whole way through, confused at pretty much everything, mostly their incredibly poor teamwork.

‘But he didn’t seem  _ that _ angry back in London.’ Nile pointed out.

‘He was, he just didn’t show it. I was angry enough for the both of us, so Nicky had to be the voice of reason. If he’d let it up to me, I would have banished Book for two hundred years, and I would have regretted it after six months.’ Joe smiled at her. ‘Nicky is… good at controlling his emotions. I’m the hot-head.’

‘Is it like that thing of “the kindest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough”?’ Joe laughed.

‘Sort of.’ He gestured with his hand. ‘Once, there was a guy in… god, France? I think. He’d become somewhat of a friend to Nicky while we were there for a mission. There was this hill with a steep cliff just outside of the village we were staying at, where you could watch the most spectacular sunsets-‘

‘When was this?’ Nile asked. She’d learned quickly that was always a good question when they started reminiscing.

‘About… 450 odd years ago maybe?’ Joe shrugged, unconcerned. ‘Either way, one evening, Nicky and I had decided we would meet up there to watch the sunset. We were pretending to be friends, nothing more and we missed each other.’ Something twisted in Joe’s expression. ‘We weren’t even doing anything, just sitting there, watching the sunset. This guy had followed Nicky, he’d been “concerned”. I never figured out if that was because he was in love with Nicky or if he really was just concerned about what a “guy like me” would do with a sweet innocent Frenchman like Nicky.’ Joe’s eyes went back to softly teasing as he looked at her again. ‘We both know Nicky is not that innocent.’

Nile groaned.

‘Or French.’

‘Ah, his French has always been very good.’ Joe waved it off. ‘Either way, he'd followed Nicky and he came bursting out. Rambling about how he was going to protect Nicky and how I needed to get away from him and- well, it went from bad to insulting pretty quickly. Nicky was furious. He told the guy to apologize to me, to the love of his life, I believe he said. The guy started jabbering about sorcery and how I had bewitched Nicky, as you might be able to imagine, sorcery and witchcraft was-  _ is _ kind of a sensitive subject for us.’

Nile did some quick (and basic) math. 450 years ago, that had to only be about 50 years after they lost Quýnh, after she and Andy were accused of witchcraft, probably right after they’d given up the search for their lost sister. Right.

‘Yeah, I can imagine.’

‘Nicky was still trying to calm the guy down, but then he pulled a knife.’ Joe shook his head, like he couldn’t believe the idiocy of some people. ‘I’m still not quite sure what happened, but he was much quicker than I expected and I, for once, wasn’t armed. I didn’t make that mistake again, by the way.’ He added, falling out of his storyteller voice for a second. ‘He was surprisingly good and he actually put his knife between my ribs before Nicky got him. Like I said, I’m not sure what happened, I think I probably died a little, but the guy ended up hanging off the edge of the cliff.’

‘Nicky didn’t pull him up?’ Nile asked, that was what she would expect Nicky to do under normal circumstances.

‘No, he didn’t. He didn’t actively make him fall, but he didn’t help him either. Instead he sat with me while I healed. He didn’t even flinch when the guy fell.’

‘Oh.’

‘Nicky loves me. He loves Andy and you  _ and  _ Booker.’

‘But it’s not the same.’

‘No, it’s not. Just like it is for me.’ Joe said, his smile kind and warm. ‘I would die for you one hundred times over, I would kill for you and I will always come for you if you need me, but Nicky-‘ Joe made a helpless kind of gesture. ‘Nicky is the reason I live. He’s the reason I can still smile and laugh and find joy in art and poetry. Nicky shows me every day that there is still some good in this world, because he is still here. Still alive and still helping elderly ladies cross the street and smiling at babies in the supermarket and giving his gloves away in the dead of Russian winter. He might seem quiet and reserved to people that don’t know him, but I can read every gesture, every twitch, every nuance in him and Nile,’ She found herself smiling at him. ‘he’s so  _ good _ . But he has his limits.’

‘Booker crossed a line.’

‘We called him our brother, for 200 years. We tried, we did our best, and he sold us out to be tortured,  _ dissected, _ just so he could die. _ ’  _ Joe doesn’t sound all that angry anymore, just tired. So, so tired. Joe sighed. ‘We both know we can’t have been easy for Booker to be around. We tried, but we made mistakes with him. Mistakes we’re trying not to repeat with you.’

‘You’re doing good so far?’ Nile offered and Joe laughed.

‘Thank you.’ He put his hand over his heart and dipped his chin. ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is that, while  _ I  _ might be ready to have Booker back, even if I won’t trust him completely, probably won’t for a long time, that does not mean Nicky is ready. I don’t want to force him into something he isn’t ready for, because Booker will  _ know _ . He’ll feel that Nicky doesn’t want him here yet and that’s not going to do him any good.’

‘Neither is isolation, though.’ Nile said. ‘He’s clearly depressed, leaving him alone for so long isn’t going to do him any good either.’

‘No it won’t, but what will be worse for him? Another six months to a year alone? Or the weight of Nicky’s quiet anger on his shoulders? Conversation stopping every time he enters a room? Never being allowed to bring up the rear? Nicky never allowing him to be alone with any of us?’ Joe countered. She considered that for a minute.

‘I don’t know.’ She replied honestly. 

‘We don’t know either.’ Joe said, he tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. ‘We don’t know what we’re doing here. All I can do, is trust that Nicky will let me know as soon as he’s even remotely close to being ready to see Booker again, and he will.’

Nile nodded. They came to an unspoken agreement that the conversation was over when the front door opened and Nicky came marching in, his arms full of groceries, muttering in Italian. Something about a tiny supermarket not having the right kind of tomatoes.

Joe grinned, hopped off the couch and sauntered into the kitchen, offering his help. Nile watched fondly as the two of them moved around the kitchen, never bumping into each other, unless intended. Nicky turned on the ancient radio in the windowsill and hummed along to the music whenever he knew the song.

Dinner was incredible.

Six months later Nicky came walking into the safehouse they were staying in in Rome.

‘We’re heading out.’ He said.

‘Where to?’ Andy asked, but she didn’t seem bothered, so maybe she’d had an idea he was up to something?

‘France.’

‘Paris?’ Andy asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Paris.’ Nicky confirmed.

‘A mission? Or-‘

‘No, not a mission.’ Nicky said. ‘Let’s pack, our train leaves soon.’ He left the room without explaining anything else. Nile raised her eyebrows at Joe, who gave her a grin and a nod. They were going to get Booker.

The journey was long, a train, a rental car, more trains, another rental, but they got there. Nicky was driving, which was rare on it’s own. He drove them into a part of Paris that was clearly not what they put in the brochures. It was older, looking more than a little rundown. Nicky stopped the car at what, to Nile, seemed like a random street. Nicky got out and surveyed the area with narrowed eyes.

‘This looks like it.’ Joe answered a question Nicky hadn’t asked.

‘That building there, I think?’ Nicky said, pointing at a building that, to Nile, looked exactly the same as the others. ‘I’ll go check.’

‘I’ll come with you.’ Nile said before he could walk off. Nicky looked at her over his shoulder. Unreadable and ancient.

‘Okay.’ He said after a few beats of silence.

‘We’ll wait here.’ Joe said, sounding perfectly comfortable. So Nile was pretty sure Nicky wasn’t about to murder Booker a few times. Probably.

Nile followed Nicky into the building, he stopped several times, muttering to himself. Once he headed into a hallway, only to turn around and head back out.

‘I thought it was left, but-‘ He mumbled. ‘Ah no, here it is.’ The apartment they stopped in front of looked like every other apartment in the building, but apparently this was it. Nicky knocked.

It was quiet for about ten seconds, Nicky rolled his eyes and knocked again, louder.

‘Sébastien? Open the goddamn door or I’ll break it down.’ Nicky called out, in Italian. Which, yeah, Nile understood now. With a salute to that stupid Duolinguo owl and two immortal teachers.

There was a thump from inside and then the sound of feet hurrying towards the door. Nicky didn’t look worried, so Nile didn’t worry either. There was the sound of a lock being turned and then the door was yanked open.

Booker looked… well, like he’d pulled several all-nighters, in a row, while chugging booze. He looked like shit.

‘Nico?’ Booker seemed afraid to take his eyes off Nicky, but he did it anyway to look at her. ‘Nile.’ Yeah, she was glad they hadn’t left it one hundred years.

‘You look like shit, Bas.’ Nicky said, stepping past Booker into the flat. ‘Have you been eating?’ Nicky asked, marching right into the kitchen, pulling open cabinets and the fridge. Whatever he saw in there had him pull up his nose in disgust. Nile didn’t even want to know. Booker was still standing at the door, looking both overwhelmed and relieved.

‘C’mon,’ Nile said, as gentle as she could. ‘let’s go inside.’ Booker jerked out of whatever daze he’d been in and held the door open for Nile before closing it behind them. Nicky was pulling open the curtains that had been closed even though it was 2pm.

‘Where-‘ Booker cleared his throat. ‘Where is Joe?’ Nicky looked at him over his shoulder.

‘Outside with Andy.’

‘Oh.’ Booker said. ‘What- what are you doing here?’

‘I’m here to have a talk. Nile is here to make sure I remember that I like this shirt and I don’t want to get blood on it.’ Nile raised her eyebrows. She wasn’t aware that’s why she was here and she also wasn’t sure she could stop Nicky if he really wanted to get to Booker.

‘Why are Joe and Andy here?’

‘Because they miss you.’ Nicky said. He filled three glasses with water and set them down on the table. ‘Sit.’ 

Booker swallowed, but sat down. She was glad she’d had the conversation with Joe those months ago, otherwise she wouldn’t have been prepared to see Nicky like this. He was steel. Ice.

‘I’ve been looking over my shoulder for the last year and a half. I kept expecting to get shot in the head. I kept scanning rooftops, thinking you’d be there to take me out. I’m not sure if I felt relieved or hurt that you didn’t.’ Booker said, sounding moderately more sober and surprisingly level-headed.

‘I wouldn’t have shot you in the head. In the liver more likely.’ Nicky said. Nile couldn’t help but wince, that was supposed to be a really painful way to die. ‘You know I’m still mad, right?’

‘Yeah, I do. I remember how you can hold a grudge.’ Nicky nodded slowly. His hand was resting on the table, his fingers tapping a slow rhythm along the wood.

‘I love you, Bas.’ Nicky said, plain and simple. ‘I consider you my brother, always have. That’s why I don’t understand how you could do what you did. I understand that you’re in pain, I understand you’ve lost a lot, but I don’t understand why you would want to die, how you could think that we don’t love you, that we don’t consider you family.’ Booker breathed in like he was going to say something, but Nicky held up his hand. ‘I would have torn that stupid building apart brick by brick with my bare hands to find you. Even  _ if _ Merrick would have accepted just having you, we would have come for you. We would never have left you there to be tortured and to have pieces cut off you.’

‘I-‘

‘We already lost Quýnh,  _ Andy _ already lost Quýnh. The only reason I am even here so soon is because Andy is dying.’ She could see the blood drain from Booker’s face. ‘Every single day, she’s aging, getting older. She could die getting hit by a car, a small cut that gets infected, a bad flu. I’m here because I love her and I want her to have you around, because I know she misses you.’ Nile didn’t point out that with today’s medicine most of those things could probably be cured. This was a  _ heavy _ conversation and she was almost a little nervous to draw attention to herself. There was an intensity in Nicky that she rarely saw in him.

‘I understand.’

‘Good.’ Nicky said. ‘Then you will understand I am not letting you or Copley do anything on your own. You’ll understand that I want Nile to check what you’re doing on those computers of yours. You’ll understand I won’t leave you alone with anyone and that I won’t let you bring up the rear anymore. You will understand that I don’t trust you and I might never fully trust you again.’ Booker swallowed, but nodded. ‘I will try. Not just for your sake, but for Joe and Nile too. I hope you’re going to do everything possible to prove that you  _ are  _ the guy I thought you were and that this was just a spectacularly big lapse in judgement.’

‘It was. Nico, I was an idiot. I let my pain and grief blind me. I will never do it again. Ever.’

‘I hope that’s true, because if you do,’ Nicky really did look cold as ice as he finished his sentence. ‘I will never forgive you and I will never let you near  _ my _ family again.’ Booker nodded, swallowing thickly again.

‘I know, I won’t disappoint you.’ He looked down at the table and he suddenly looked so young it made Nile’s heart ache.

‘Bas.’ Nicky said, his tone had softened significantly. Booker looked up. ‘We love you. We all do. You need to talk to us. We can’t help you if all you do is drink and tell us that you’re fine. If you feel overwhelmingly sad, come find us. You don’t even need to explain, but come and stop drowning yourself in alcohol. If you need Joe to drag you across the entire continent of America, I can manage on my own for a month, if you need me to just sit with you or read you some depressing French poetry, I can do that, but you need to  _ talk to us _ . Stop lying to us and stop lying to yourself.’

‘I will do my best.’

‘That’s all I want, Bas.’ Nicky’s cool façade cracked, right in front of her eyes and suddenly he looked so… vulnerable. ‘I hate watching Joe watch soccer on his own and turn to his right only to realize you’re not there. I hate seeing Andy grab two glasses, only to realize you’re not there to take the second one. I don’t want Nile to start her immortality without you.’ Nicky ran a frustrated hand through his hair. ‘ _ I  _ miss you, Bastien. Even though I’m still angry, I miss you. So, just promise me you’ll do better, and we can get out of his shithole.’ 

‘I promise.’ Booker hurried out. ‘I promise I’ll do better. I’ll work on it.’

‘Okay, then let’s go.’ Nicky got up. None of them had touched their glasses while they talked, but now Booker picked up his glass and downed it in one go. Booker seemed to still think that Nicky might turn around and go “sike!” because he hurried around the apartment like he was afraid they would disappear every time he took his eyes off them.

He didn’t bring much, but Nile noticed the book he was clutching in one hand. It looked old. She tried to subtly read the title, apparently, she wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was. Booker held the book out so she could read it. _ Don Quixote _ , a first edition even. The book, unlike its owner, looked pristine. Like he’d taken better care of the book than of himself.

‘It, uh, it was a gift.’ Booker said as he headed out the door first, Nile followed and Nicky exited last before stepping aside to let Booker lock the door.

Nicky, true to his word, had Booker lead the way, while he brought up the rear. It was odd to have Nicky behind her, usually Nicky was in front. Andy, Nicky, then her and then Joe. She supposed things might be different now, or maybe not. Maybe they would just enclose Booker in the middle, next to Nile. 

She wasn’t going to pretend that she didn’t feel a little giddy about having him back. She’d worried about him, playing the conversation she’d had with him over the fire in that cave over and over again. 

From the beginning, she’d felt torn about the punishment. She understood that there had to be a price, that a betrayal like that couldn’t just be forgiven and forgotten, but Booker had been so… broken, isolation was never going to do him any good. Yet she also understood the need for space.

Those first few weeks after Merrick had been rough. Joe and Nicky had clearly been rattled. Everywhere they went, they would push the bed into a corner and if they couldn’t, because there was a window in the wrong place, or the bed was bolted to the floor, they’d sleep on the ground. Curled together, always with Joe’s back to a wall and Nicky between him and the rest of the world, always with a gun under Nicky’s pillow.

Nicky would wake at the slightest noises, be alert and ready in the blink of an eye. Once, Nile had gone to wake them in the morning, they needed to leave early and Nicky had nearly shot her. He’d apologized profusely. She told him over and over again that it was okay, that she understood.

They had had nightmares, both of them. Still did, actually. She could hear them sometimes. When they shared a room, or even when the walls were thin. Sometimes she could hear them talking, late at night. She could hear cries, or occasionally a scream. Soft comforting words, lullabies in languages she didn’t speak. She tried not to let them see she was awake, she didn’t want them to feel guilty about not being okay. After what they went through, she would have been way more disturbed if they  _ had  _ been perfectly okay.

It was a crap situation, but now, they could start moving forward,  _ together _ . If these guys were going to be her family for the next however many thousands of years, she wanted to actually be with her family. She wanted them around, she wanted to be around them. She wanted to have Booker laughing along with Joe as she struggled during Nicky’s sword fighting lessons. She wanted Joe’s gentle corrections as he tried to improve her language skills. She wanted Andy’s annoyed muttering whenever they visited a museum. She wanted Booker to have a thing too. 

When they made it outside, Joe did a pretty admirable impression of someone who didn’t really care about what was happening. Too bad Nicky had already ratted him out. Andy’s face stayed blank for a while, but when Booker got within arms reach, Andy cracked. She smiled, an actual proper one with teeth showing, and pulled Booker towards her to hug him. He seemed to just fold into her.

He didn’t cry, but it seemed like it was a close call.

‘There’s no blood on you, so I suppose Nicky didn’t kill you.’ Joe said after Andy released Booker.

‘That’s why I brought Nile,  _ hayati _ .’ Nicky bumped his shoulder against hers. ‘She kept me calm.’ Nile was going to point out that she literally hadn’t said a word as they talked, but then Joe fisted his hand in Booker’s jacket and pulled him into a hug.

‘I’m still mad at you.’ Joe said, but the effect was kind of taken away by the way he buried his face in Booker’s neck. Next to her, Nicky rolled his eyes, but he looked much calmer and more fond than anything.

There wasn’t much talking as they filed into the car, Nicky squished himself in the back along with Booker and Nile herself. Andy drove them out of Paris, doing a pretty good impression of a race car driver. Nile only got a little nauseous. Progress.

‘There’s one thing I most certainly haven’t missed.’ Booker said as Andy pulled the car to a stop at what seemed to be another safehouse and they all hurried out of the car. ‘Andy’s driving.’ He said, at the same time Joe said:

‘Andy’s cooking.’ Andy gasped and punched Joe in the arm, he flinched but laughed as he ducked behind Nicky, who was wearing the familiar exasperated-but-fond look on his face. Andy tried to get to Booker as well, but he managed to evade her and she gave up quickly.

‘You are both assholes. See if I ever feed you again. Next time I’m only getting food for Nicky and Nile, at least they’re nice to me.’ Nile could see what she was doing. Andy was pretending very, very hard that the last few years had never happened.

‘Nicky would share his food with me.’ Joe said, smug. Andy gasped.

‘ _ Nicolò _ ?’ Nicky didn’t even look apologetic as he shrugged.

‘Yeah, I would.’

Andy rattled off something in what might have been Russian, but it was far too fast for her to even be able to tell that for sure. It made Booker choke on a laugh though, so that was good. Andy headed for the house with faux-angry steps and Booker followed her, Joe trailing after him.

Nile felt like she needed a second and apparently, so did Nicky.

‘This isn’t going to be as easy as Joe and Andy are pretending it is.’ Nicky said into the silence.

‘I didn’t think it would be.’ Now that she was watching Nicky watch Booker she knew. She could finally  _ see _ . She could see the anger he normally hid from her. She could see how he was aching to follow Joe and Andy, unwilling to let them be alone with Booker. Probably wanting to put himself between them and Booker. 

She had noticed  _ and _ they had told her. Nicky was not the little spoon in his and Joe’s sleeping arrangement. Nicky was the knife. Nicky was the shield. For all his quiet contemplation and philosophical words, Nicky was the one who would rather strike first than watch any of them get hurt. Nicky was the second one into the room, the first to adapt to Nile’s strategy of  _ taking every single bullet for Andy _ , Nicky could handle pain and pain and pain, as long as that kept his family from feeling the pain instead. He was the one who could  _ inflict  _ pain upon pain upon pain to protect his family. 

They headed into the safehouse.

Nicky didn’t say anything, didn’t even have to, his  _ look _ made Booker take the couch. Even with Booker not in the singular bedroom, every single time Nile woke up that night, Nicky was still awake. Joe curled behind him, nose pressed against the back of Nicky’s neck, fast asleep. Nicky’s eyes were open, or his breathing was so measured and controlled, Nile  _ knew _ he wasn’t asleep. In a way, she understood.

The first morning back together with all of them was strange. Nile, still half-asleep after a restless night, only grabbed four mugs as she managed to turn on the  _ ancient _ looking coffee maker after a few experimental jabs. She’d learned that the layouts of the kitchen could be guessed by whose safehouse it was. This was another one of Joe and Nicky’s (Andy’s didn’t tend to even  _ have _ a kitchen, so yeah) and they had the habit of always having the stuff in generally the same cabinet. It was very convenient.

Nicky, who stepped up next to her, picked a fifth mug from the cabinet. A very specific one, black and a little chipped. Nicky looked… more put together than he had any right to look at 7am. Especially with how little he’d slept.

His eyes were on Booker the second he came into the kitchen from the living room. Nicky took the pot of coffee from Nile and poured five cups. He didn’t hand Booker the black one, but Nile watched as he automatically took it anyways. Maybe it was  _ his _ .

She watched from the couch of a different safehouse as they prepped for their first mission with the five of them. She watched as Nicky held a handgun out to Booker, the look in his eyes daring him to try something. Nile had noticed something vicious in Nicky. Something cold and mean. He was soft and kind and caring, until he wasn’t.

Another safehouse and Joe was loose-limbed and smiling, slinging an arm over Booker’s shoulder, pulling Booker down on the couch next to him, bickering over soccer teams and which one was better and if they compared to some team from the early 80s. Nicky watched from his seat at the table, his book forgotten on the steel surface as he sharpened a pair of throwing knives.

Nicky was not the forgiving type and Nile, Nile understood. 

In a way, she was almost happy about it. She felt like she could afford to smile at Booker and let him close and let him teach her French and let him try (badly) to hide his grin as she struggled through  _ Les Trois Mousquetaires _ . She felt safe to do this because she knew Nicky was watching. In a strange way, his eyes on them, those pale, green eyes, made her feel more secure.

Which might have been unfair towards Booker, but the more time she’d spend with the other three, the more baffled she was that he’d ever been capable of betraying them. Not just because they were  _ good people _ , but also because they so very clearly loved him.

There was a difference between hearing Nicky say that they love him and  _ seeing  _ it. It was all over them and the way they just seemed to… be.

It was written all over them in Andy growling and bitching her way through a tiny supermarket in the middle of absolute nowhere in Hungary, just to find a specific type of ice cream Booker loved. It was in Joe, asking Nile to teach him how to send Booker links to articles about newly invented robots with his shiny new and heavily encrypted smartphone (yes, they had those now). It was in Nicky, letting Booker sleep in the same room as him and Joe again, getting up at 3am when Booker still wasn’t in bed to go get him and make him sleep in an actual bed. It was in Nicky  _ not _ buying him massive amounts of alcohol, but still getting him the one bottle of his favourite whiskey. It was Andy pushing Nile just a little harder on learning French, because sometimes they would spend entire  _ days  _ speaking the language (it took Nile a few months to figure out they only did that when Booker was looking particularly Tired). It was in Joe smiling and laughing and bumping shoulders with Booker.

They  _ loved _ him and she could tell from the little glimpses of something desperate and painful that Booker  _ knew this _ , probably always had. But he would still have his dark days, days where he seemed to just… shut down. They were now rarer, however, more  _ occasionally  _ instead of  _ the norm,  _ at least, that’s what she gathered from Joe. They also seemed to have decided that letting him, or any of them really, go off on their own for extended periods of time was not a great idea.

So Nile was dragged all over the world with them. Egypt to Indonesia to Norway to Chile to Canada to Spain to the Netherlands. She got to Joe to take a picture of her with the river Nile in the background because, well, it was funny and she got to taste all sorts of foods she’d never had in her life and she got to experience a winter in Norway which was holy-fucking-freezing-cold and she got to see the sights and lounge in the sun and now they were on a terrace somewhere near Amsterdam’s city centre.

The sky was grey, but it wasn’t raining. A meagre 15 degrees and windy. Typical, or so she was told. Nile’s Dutch was abysmal, she didn’t get much further than  _ hallo  _ and  _ dank je wel _ . Still the Dutch spoke English like champs, so that made things much easier.

‘Did you know this was the first country to legalize same sex marriage?’ Joe offered, before taking a massive bite from his  _ stroopwafel.  _

Joe, as she’d learned quickly, had a massive sweet tooth. One time, when she’d pointed this out, he’d wiggled his eyebrows, pulled Nicky closer with an arm around his waist and said:  _ Of course I do, my Nicolò is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. _ Nile had pretended to gag, because sometimes these two were just too much, but Nicky had gotten that ridiculously soft expression on his face and asked:  _ Even sweeter than the Dutch stroopwafels? _ And Joe had gasped and assured Nicky that  _ yes, he was sweeter than stroopwafels _ .

Nile had had zero clue what they were talking about. Now she did. They were basically like very thin layers of baked dough with a caramel filling. They were  _ delicious _ .

‘Yeah, I did know that.’ Nile said, probably a beat too late, but Joe was distracted so it didn’t really matter. ‘It has also had weed legalized for a long time, along with prostitution.’ There were rules for both of those things, laws, obviously, but still. The very American part of Nile felt a little… scandalized to walk past the scantily clad women behind the windows, bathed in red lights. Andy didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

‘Such a strange country.’ Nicky mused, but he didn’t sound like he actually  _ minded  _ that.

‘I like it.’ Joe said, stretching his hands up over his head and grinning at the waitress as she came around to ask if they wanted a refill. Or, well, Nile assumed that’s what she was asking. Joe’s Dutch was… scarily good? The harsh and grinding vowels sounded as perfect coming from his mouth as the soft Italian or the singsongy Arabic. She was more than a little jealous of his ability to just  _ inhale  _ a language and sound like a damn local.

The waitress was tall and blonde and pretty and she’d taken one look at their group and turned her smile on Joe. Maybe because he spoke her language, or maybe because the shirt he had on was technically Nicky’s and it was just a little too tight. Joe seemed more amused than anything at being half-flirted with by a twenty five-ish, blonde haired, blue eyed lady. Nicky kept pressing his lips together in a way that was far more “I’m trying not to grin like a fool” and a lot less “bitch I will flip this table”.

It seemed like Joe took pity on her pretty quickly though, because he leaned over and plucked the last bite of Nicky’s stroopwafel from his fingers and popped it in his mouth, grinning at him as Nicky cursed at him in Italian.

‘I’m sorry, my love, but it was just too tempting.’ He said, in English. The waitress blinked twice and then turned her attention to Nile. She asked something in Dutch, with those sharp vowels and hard S’s. It sounded a little like German, and at the same time not at all like German.

‘I-I’m sorry, I don’t-‘ Nile stumbled.

‘Oh, that’s fine. I just asked if I needed to get him’ she pointed at Nicky. ‘another stroopwafel to make sure he,’ she pointed at Joe. ‘doesn’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.’ Her English was good, nearly accent-less. Her smile at Nile was as warm and borderline flirty as it had been aimed at Joe. She could feel heat climb up her neck.

‘Nah, these two are ridiculously in love. I don’t think a stroopwafel is going to be the thing that does it.’ Nile let her smile soften just a little. ‘Even if they are very good.’

The waitress smiled again before heading off to get their bill. They were flying out tomorrow. One last night in this city before heading off to godknowswhere.

Nicky leaned forward, his chin resting on his hand, a single elbow on his knee. He looked like the picture of grace, like old statues from the Renaissance.

‘So, Nile.’ He said. ‘How did you like Amsterdam?’

‘I liked it a lot.’ She said, only slightly suspicious. If it had been anyone but Nicky, she would have been full-blown suspicious immediately, but Nicky sometimes just asked these things. ‘I like how I never feel like anyone is  _ looking _ at us here.’

‘The city of freedom.’ Joe said, draining the last of his coffee. ‘I have always been fond of this place, especially since 2001.’ He smirked at Nicky. Oh God, she really hoped this wasn’t a sex thing.

‘Ah yes, what was it? April 8 th ?’ Andy asked, leaning back in her seat.

‘Yes, April 8 th 2001.’ Joe put his hand to his chest. ‘The day I finally got to marry the love of my life.’

‘You two are married?’ Nile asked. Well, she’d kind of always thought of them as husbands, but she didn’t think they would actually have been married, like, legally.

‘Well,’ Nicky said, dragging the word out. ‘Nick Smit and Joe Jansen are.’ Ah, aliases. ‘Booker made us those aliases specifically so we could get married here.’ Nicky’s smile at Booker was fond and warm and Booker looked pretty helpless as he smiled back. Like being reminded of the good things he’d done was almost too much. Like he didn’t believe that it could ever weigh up against the bad he’d done. ‘That meant a lot to me.’ Nicky seemed to have caught onto the same thing as Nile. So he pressed harder.

‘It was my pleasure.’ Booker managed.

The waitress passed by and dropped off their bill. Joe put a 50 euro bill in the little booklet without even looking at the total. Nile just knew it was way too much. She raised her eyebrows at him and he shrugged.

‘I liked her and the stroopwafels were very good.’ Was the only explanation Joe offered. Nile rolled her eyes but stood up along with the others as they headed towards the rooms they were staying in. The place was narrow and it felt a little claustrophobic, but it wasn’t easy to find a place that wasn’t immensely expensive and more importantly, didn’t have cameras or ask a lot of questions.

As they walked the streets of Amsterdam, the chilly air making Nile tug her jacket closer around herself, she brought up the rear. In front of her, Nicky and Joe had their hands clasped together in a rare public display of their relationship. Andy had her arm hooked through Joe’s and she was laughing, bright and warm. Booker was on Nicky’s side, their voices low as they talked. Their shoulders brushed on occasion and Nile could feel the slow warmth spread through her bones.

Even though she’d lost a lot since discovering her immortality, her career, her friends, her mom and brother, she had also gained a completely new family. She’d gained Andy and her fierce training regime and endless love for food. She’d gained Joe and his warm laughter and competitive eyebrow wiggles. She’d gained Nicky and his quiet smiles and unending patience. She’d gained Booker and his brutal honesty and his slow smirks. She’d been given the chance to see the world, do some good.

It wasn’t always easy. Hell, most of the time it was really difficult and even though they healed, injuries still hurt, but it was the way it was. The least they could do was take this gift and try to make the world a better place with it. Even if it sometimes felt like they were that dude from Greek mythology who had to push the giant boulder up the hill and could never quite make it there.

Still, the good they were able to do,  _ was _ making a difference. Even if they couldn’t see it. Nile had faith, that in the end, they were doing  _ good _ and that was all they could do. 

**Author's Note:**

> "Grazie mille, Nico. Sei molto gentile" is almost exactly what Booker says to Nicky in the hotel scene early in the movie after Nicky loses the bet. It basically just means "Thank you very much, Nico. You are very kind".
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and kudos to you for making it this far! Do I really know what this is? No. But I figured, it was good to get something out there. 
> 
> I'm currently playing around with the idea of writing a longer nicky/joe AU, possibly a enemies to lovers thing mixed with a royals AU? Based off the amazing art going around on tumblr by tenjoura. Others will probably be doing something with that as well, so we'll see, but yeah. Anyways, I've rambled for far too long. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


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